Rock, paper, scissors

Just followed up on a job I really wanted this morning, although not finalized, the sub-text (yes, benefits of being in acting, you are better at reading human emotions: sub-text, intention, etc ;) ) of the phone conversation feels like that I could be their second choice. I guess if Miss First Choice accepts, I'm out. :( I have not followed up on my first offer; although lucrative, is not a chronic disease, not a long-term treatment, not emotionally compelling.

Spoke to my sis about it...and she said what if, just what if... this first choice girl is the second choice for my first offer company and is awaiting that company to offer her, that company is waiting for me to answer before offering her, I am waiting for this company to answer me, and this company is waiting for her to accept them?? Confused yet? Rock, paper, scissors... life is a cycle and everything is connected. Hahaha!! Unlikely to be the situation but it would be funny if it were true. Yes, creativity runs in the family. ;)

Ok, jokes aside... is it a big problem that I have too specific an interest? Specialty chronic disease + emotionally compelling + marketing. Not all companies have such disease treatment, and among those, not all have emotionally compelling strategic directions, and the few left which do, may not have openings for marketing. Bleh. I'm just wondering, IS having a specific passion such a bad thing?? Wouldn't a person who wants something so badly appreciate it more and do a better job? Or does the world view this intense passion as desperation? If I was desperate, I would have just applied to any Tom, Dick & Harry company, in any Tom, Dick & Harry disease (gosh, that doesn't even make any sense). I would have accepted my first offer just to get a job, any job. But I don't want just any job. :( :(

Maybe the universe is trying to tell me something? Maybe God is trying to tell me something?? May be I should open up my options beyond my area of interest?? But I can't help but to want what I want and love what I love. But should I?

Perhaps, some day I will understand why all this is happening... Just like what Steve Jobs said

“You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.”

Dots oh, dots! Please • connect • yourselves • soon •

Blood is thicker than water

During this festivity where reunions are customary in this part of the universe, all the generations gather together and this is where this inter-generational conflict is most prominent. Your family; you love them... but you don't necessary like them all the time. They have their own ideals in life; financially, culturally and everything else. And the worst part is, the "I have eaten more salt than you've eaten rice" line. I am sure that they have good intentions behind all those expectations... but what is ideal for them may not be ideal for me. I have never neglected my daughterly duties to them, be it excelling through my studies, financial support, regular visits, running small errands eg. computer related stuff, or even bring them to the hospital if they do not feel well. I live 25 mins away, and am there for them. My sister even more so, as she lives with them. She even spares the time to go on vacations with them. But none of that is ever enough for them & they will not hesitate to voice their dissatisfactions. I really do not understand.

We still love them though... not just because the Bible tells us to but honestly, we still do. In my sister's words, "I just syiok sendiri treat them nice coz they don't seem to think that is nice anyway." and "You just angry sendiri coz mom bukan main proud lagi that she told you off about some CNY customs.". I guess we'll each continue to syiok sendiri then. Do things that we think, other'd appreciate. Whether they do or not... doesn't matter coz everyone has their own good intentions behind it.

Putting myself in their shoes, I am sure as a parent I too, would have expectations for my kids. No human is capable of real unconditional love, only God is capable of that. Would I behave like them if my kids don't meet my expectations?? Well, I guess I will never know... Because I have long decided not to have kids. I do not think I can handle more than 1 inter-generational conflict. I have come to accept the reality that parents and kids grow up in very different times and will always have different mindsets no matter what.

In this festive season, let us learn to accept each other's differences and come to the Reunion Table with sincere happiness that will manifest itself in smiles. After all, blood is thicker than water. =)

Gong Xi Fa Chai!! Happy Reunion!!

This is my confession

Note: In my newfound addiction for Glee, please note that the title of this post is SUNG out not read. ;)

Anyway, lately there are a couple of incidences that has really got to me head and my heart. It really does bother me that most people take mistakes for granted. Rather than confessing, apologize, repent and redeem themselves for mistakes... the more popular options seem to be:

- justifying that it was right. NOT a mistake at all.
- shrug it off... "just a mistake, I didnt do it intentionally."

Do they ever think of the implications or outcome of those mistakes on others close to them? Does it have emotional impact on the young innocent mind of your child? Does it put your family in danger to crime? Do they even THINK beyond themselves when a mistake happens?

In order for us to grow into better people, we cannot think that we are already perfect. We need to be humble, admit our mistakes and work on not repeating it, consciously. Just like in Christianity, being a Christian does not mean that we are oh so holy and perfectly sinless. But being a Christian means we need to genuinely confess our sins and admit our shortcomings to God. Then can consciously take effort keep on working on being a better person because we love Him.

If we are not aware that we are wrong in the first place, how are we going to become better? How are we going to ever improve?

Unless of course, these people don't love anyone else but themselves... then by all means, justify or shrug off the mistake. Even if it affects those close to you, it doesn't matter to you, right?

Useless Maxis vouchers

Just received this from Maxis in the mail several days ago...


pretty wrapping


pretty booklet, printed on expensive-looking paper


quite a lot of pages too

Let's see what are the vouchers inside??? Does it really matter if they were vouchers from shops that you would go to when....


one expires 31st Jan 2010


another one expiring 31st Jan 2010

as I looked on... it gets even better...


31st Dec 2009!!


Another 31st Dec 2009

Then what is the point!!! What a big fat waste of perfectly good trees and more of the earth's resources!!! Don't these people at least think first then do? Having customer retention programs for the sake of having isn't going to help you retain customers. In fact, it makes it worse when they do moronic things like this. So, Maxis flers... if you are reading this, take this as a big fat customer complaint!!!

Bitch-fit!!!!!

Recently, I've been forced to crack d whip on some people who had no sense of urgency in finishing a task. I don't like throwing these bitch-fits but this time my patience finally ran out.

For those who know me well will know that I always play nice when I need something done. I may use feminine wiles or even inflict guilt but I ALMOST never play the bitch card. My philosophy is, we are all adults and we all know what needs to be done, whether at work or in any other areas of our lives. You would think people doing a Masters degree would be mature enough to research, read and do what they need to do without being pushed but boy, was I soooo wrong!!... not only did these people not have the sense of urgency, when they finally do the task, they don't read through what actually needs to be done. Instead some of them just fill up some slides with statements pluck from thin air!!

We are NOT doing things for the sake of doing. Every step has a purpose and needs to be supported by facts. This is not a kindergarden project. This is not writing up a fictitious story. This is an analysis!!

Instead of thanking me for pushing them to do it, I get snide sarcastic remarks about throwing a bitch-fit temper. HELLLLOO!! You are NOT doing this assignment to appease me. This subject is for ALL of us to learn and to hopefully pass!! In case they haven't notice, ALL of us are in this boat together.

We have so much holes in it, so many ideas pluck from thin air, I'm not even sure I know how to lead them to fix this mess. :(...
I really don't know what to do anymore, the deadline is close by... and I have sacrificed enough time & effort on this to pull out & just defer the bloody subject.

Was it a mistake to want to venture out of my comfort zone this semester? I had decided not to stick to my usual group of friends for all assignments this semester. Was that a bad decision?

I don't think so, it's still a good experience. At the very least... I learnt 2 things:
- that it is crucial to have good team mates. People who work for the same purpose and are equally committed. People who are proactive and need not be pushed as they see the goals as a benefit to themselves as well. So, choose carefully if you have that option.
- that if you do not an option, you need to manage people and manage the circumstances. You need to be strong & get emotional even when you feel like crying. You need to bring out any personality that can get the job done even if it not the real you. You don't need to like it, and neither do they. Coz it's business and not personal.

Wish me luck... God knows I need lots of it.

Underpaid :(

Recently, I had to look through quite some resumes and speak to the headhunters to hire some new product specialists (tis just a nama glamour for medical sales people :p). The more I looked, the more depressed I got!!

I am soooooooo BLOOOOODDYYY U-N-D-E-R-P-A-I-D!!!!

I guess recesssion is not applicable to the medical & healthcare industry if so many companies are still hiring and all the candidates are still asking for such high salaries. From what I see, the only way I can get anyone good (and I have no intentions to get crappy people for my own team) I need to outpay myself!

Hmmm, maybe I should apply to work for myself in order to get a raise!!
@#%*&#~>@$$=#$&*@!!!!!!!

I also know that the other manager is getting higher pay than me!! And his workload is even less. Unfair! Unfair!

The only reason I am still here is because my direct boss is such a dear. She is a true rarity, a good boss is such an endangered species these days. I think my company knows that, that's why they think they can pay us (who are under her) crap because we have her to hang on to.

Maybe it's time to step out of our comfort zone to find out what we're really worth... and get paid what our work is TRULY worth.

Lost all my vacation photos!!

Just came back from Cherating with bf today... but when I tried to download my vacation photos onto my computer, d memory card was empty!! I don't know what happened, I don't even know if it is the SD card that's spoiled or my digicam, but all I know is that my photos are gone, gone!!! I just wanna cry...

:(...

Why are cool stuff not available here??

Saw this while surfing for new dance trainers...


Isnt' it pretty??
It's just sooooo cool. Would be perfect to add to my Bodyjam-wear collection. Only available in US, UK and Aus though.

But if I buy online, the shipping costs a bomb!!! And I can't try it on to get the perfect size. :(

Why are all the cool stuff not available here??? Boohoohoo!!! :( :( :(

Lolijin

I really need to take a break from reading all that HR stuff or I will go mad!!

Hmm... now I wonder why did I ever wanted to study. If only I didn't decide to commit to this MBA:

1. I'd have an additional 50k to spend on my new home and my wedding.

2. I would have the time to workout like mad and get a killer figure for my wedding.

3. I would have the time to build my stamina and practise for the Bodyjam training.

4. I would be able to enjoy my new role at work and focus on doing all d new exciting things so well I'd get an award! It's been a long time since I've received one :(

5. I would not feel so stressed out that my skin get hideous breakouts!

6. I would have more time to blog and facebook.

7. I would have the time to watch my favourite DVD series.

8. I would have the time to catch up with good friends at the mamak.

9. I would have the time to learn how to play and sing all my fav Marié Digby songs.

But I have made the decision to study and I will stick to it. As they say, lolijin. Now, I just gotta rough it out these 2 years.
- Thou shalt not defer.
- Thou shalt not be distracted by thy hobbies.
- Thou shalt finish it in 2 years.
- Thou shalt get back thy life in 1 and 1/2 years time.

I can't wait!!!

- Oh, and thou shalt stop blogging now and get back to work on assignment!! :(

Perfection, only from a distance

Perfection? Does it exist? Yes, only God is perfect... for everything else on this planet Earth, don't be so perasan ok?

I just found out that one of the new managers hired is younger and less experienced than me. Why is it that companies and people in general always view more highly of those new to them? Why is it that they would rather hire new people than promote those who are performing well in the organization?

Haven't I proven my worth to them? Haven't I been performing well all this while? Haven't I offered to take up additional responsibilities and did them well? Haven't I been working well with the whole team? Haven't I taken the initiative to continuously improve myself personally and professionally? Haven't I keep to the highest standards of ethics and integrity? Haven't I delivered everything I promised and even more?
Then why am I still not perfect enough for them? How perfect do I have to be to be somebody in this organization?

If anyone EVER perfect? Yes! When you see from a distance,
...the supermodel looks more perfect than you can ever achieve in the mirror
...the painting looks even more realistic than a photograph
...the mystery woman seems so much more understanding than your wife
...the family looks so happy and perfect, unlike your own
...the employee looks like the perfect fit to your requirements

Yes, from a distance everything can look perfect. When you come closer, that's when you start to notice the flaws.

So if you are in search for perfection, you will not find it. If you do find it, leave it alone or you'll ruin it with your own imperfections.

As Simple Plan says "I'm sorry, I can't be perfect!"

And yes, I am pissed!!!!

Wedding nuisance

A couple of weeks ago, I had lunch with my ex-boss. He asked... "When are you getting married?"

Then later that week, I had dinner with my cousins. One of them asked... "So, when are you getting married?"

Then last week, my mom just asked me... "So when are you and Alvin getting married?"

The several days ago, I went to HKL. The nurse asked me... "So, when are you getting married?"

Today afternoon, I went to University Hospital. Another 2 more nurses asked me...
"So, when are you getting married ar?"

The later in the evening at the gym, another friend asked... "So, when are Alvin and you getting married?"

AAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!! Why does everyone have an obsession with other people getting married?

I know that most people get married around my age. That doesn't mean I have to get married at the same age as everyone else. Since when is there an unwritten rule that people can only get married before they hit 30?

The right timing for marriage is indiviualistic and unique to each couple. Some get married after a couple of months of dating, and some get married after 10 years of dating. Marriages are not mass-produced products that have the exact same characteristics down to the T.

I got home and found that I've received a wedding invitation from an old friend. I am happy for her and am looking forward to see her at her wedding. However, I truly dread THE question that will definitely pop-up from the other guests at my table... "When is your turn ar?"

I will definitely let everyone know if I am in fact getting married, OK??!!!


Right now, there is NO wedding yet so get over it and get a life!

The worst part about this annoying question is that there will be no end to it. Once you are married, the frequency of these annoying questions won't stop... just rephrased... "So when are you having kids ar?" For someone like me who never wants kids... I guess I would have to put up with that question for life eh???

Voter's rights?

Hmm... I am a registered voter. But my first voting experience several years ago was a really terrible one.

Step 1: Queue in a super long line.
Step 2: Find your name.
Step 3: Find out your name is listed to vote in which room.
Step 4: Take a serial number and go to that room.
Step 5: Queue again in a long line to enter that particular room.
Step 6: Find your name on the list at the registration counter in front of that room.... eh??? My name was not listed there. My number was not listed there.
Step 7: Please go back to step 1.

Forget it!!! That year, many did not get to vote due to all the mess in the system.

So before urging us to vote, please ensure the system well organized and managed as I do plan to exercise my right as a voter the next time round.

Showtime Synergy

Maybe some of you can remember the phrase from the title to be from an old animated series "Jem"?

Hehehe, but that's not what I'm blogging about today, the spotlight is on Synergy.

Why do we need a culture of synergy? For me, being a part of the music team at church... I shall illustrate using a music team. Everyone in the team does a different job:
-a pianist plays the piano
-a guitarist plays the guitar
-a vocalist sings
-a drummer plays the drum....etc.
Are these people doing the same thing? Nope, they are not. But they are part of ONE unit. Part of ONE team.
Would there be music if just 1 or 2 team members play? Not complete but yes! It can be done!
Would it sound better if ALL the team members play? Yes, if each plays their own thing... it would still sound strange.
Would it sound even more perfect if all the team members play in perfect synch with each other? Most definitely!!

That's synergy!!

How about at the workplace? Wouldn't these synergistic values work at the workplace too?

Some of us think so. But other don't. Some people are more territorial, they prefer to stay within their own clan, in their own little island... My point? This new colleague of mine was asking another colleague about a doctor she has yet to meet... whom I just happen to know from my previous job. So I thought that since I have his contact and mobile number, I'd offer it to her to help her. She just declined, ignored me and continued talking to the other colleague in her own team. So much for trying to be helpful eh? Is it so terrible to accept help from those outside your own team? So much for 1 company 1 team. Where's the synergy? Tak syok working with people like dat!

I thank God those in my team are not like dat. I finally found people who makes me feel that there's that team-chemistry. That chemistry that make working together fun. That feeling has been missing from my work life eversince I left my old company. Unfortunately, these 2 nice newbies are based outstation and I hardly get to see them. Even then, despite the distance there still is synergy!! Let's hope we can make beautiful music together then!

Stagnation...

A very close friend of mine just got very good news to share today... her application for a regional marketing position has been succesful!! Am really happy for her. She's great at her job and a wonderful person too!!

However, I'm not so happy for myself. This really highlights how I've NOT progressed in my career.

My career started out pretty well, was always a high achiever. Was always nominated to take up additional responsibilities. Was always in all the special task force team. All my bosses from my previous jobs to this current one tells me that I am smart, a fast learner, good at managing relationships and I have a lot of potential to grow. Hah!! Potential... it will remain a potential forever if never released. Like a tightly wound up spring. The energy it contains will not go to any good use if it is never released.
But where has THAT led me? Let me illustrate it.


That friend of mine is the same age as me, we graduated from the same university, we even worked in the same company under the same division previously. Sigh! I think I've really reached a plateau. Maybe I've made crappy decisions career-wise? Maybe I was never at the right place at the right time? I feel like such a failure... :'(
I really need to inject some excitement into my career. I need to rekindle that fire I had for my work. I need another big slope in the graph.


Fire not so fiery anymore... fizzle fizzle... I better fan the fire before it is completely put out.
Or perhaps I just need a big tub of ice cream and a shopping spree???

Under the microscope

Do you know how it feels like when you are put under the microscope?

My mini boss is not the one who’s putting my under the microscope… her boss is. I thought head honchos of an organization would look at the big picture and have more important things to think about than the remeh-temeh details of our work.

The reason I left a huge organization to join an itty bitty one is because I like being empowered. I like working independently, that’s why I’m in sales/marketing. In my previous company, we are told exactly what to do, how to do it, when to do it and how often we have to do it. Your job is your job… you can’t go beyond that. There are other people to do that for you. All you need to do is:
“See 8 customers a day, go out at 10am, write reports after reports on each and every teeny weeny detail…etc”
You know what that makes people feel? Belittled, not trusted, inferior and stupid.

I consider myself a very responsible person, very high integrity, very committed and smart. Don’t these people trust my capabilities to get the results required? Then why did they hire me if they don’t? Why not just use robots that will follow their instructions down to the T?

When I got this job, it was great! It was a lot of hard work, because in small organizations, it is one-leg-kick!! Marketing, sales, communications, PR, web-designer, writer, editor… wow! It’s an all-in-one job. Independence and empowerment!! And my mini boss is great! She gives me the perfect balance between guidance/monitoring and independence/empowerment. How perfect is that? It’s so rare to find a job you like plus a boss you like. All was going so well.

Then there comes this new big boss. Of course changes are expected. There have been good changes and bad changes. What’s the change that upsets me so much? It’s the being-put-under-the-microscope thing. Now it’s back to:
“See 8 customers a day, go out at 10am, write reports after reports on each and every teeny weeny detail…etc”
You know what that makes me feel? Belittled, not trusted, inferior and stupid.

So what if the incentives has been increased? Besides sales, is all my other work invisible? All disregarded and left unnoticed, unappreciated? Have I not earned their trust?

What does it feel like? Although there’s no change in designation, there's shrinking responsibilities and am tied on a shorted leash. It feels like a big fat slap-in-the-face demotion!! Already my two colleagues from the neighbouring country doing the exact same job as me, who joined the organization at about the same time as me, were promoted to Assistant Managers. What about me? Not only am I still a small fry anchovy, I’ve been degraded into a microscopic amoeba under the electron microscope.

BOO HOO HOOOOOO!!!


Me!

Even amoebas like me can cry. I’m depressed… I need endorphins! I need lots of it! I need comfort food, I need more gym classes, I need more tlc frm bf!! Sob sob!

Anyone wanna buy a phone?

I wanted to buy a new phone, sort of a new year present for myself. Since my friend's boyfriend sells phones, thought I'd give him business instead of giving it to others.


I wanted a reasonably priced 3G phone with a nice camera so I told him I wanted the Nokia 6233. It has a 2Mpixel camera. I also wanted a phone where I can sync with my pc to back up all my phone book, pics and music. Nokia 6233 has Bluetooth and comes with the Nokia PC Suite software for synching all that!



He does not keep ex-stock phones because his business is usually with regular customers who will place order beforehand. Therefore, he ordered one.

But mana tau I changed my mind. Now I want a different model but he is insisting I take the phone. The stupid thing is that I have already given the money to his girlfriend (my friend la tu)... :-(

The phone is a original Zitron Nokia, comes with the Bluetooth headset. I bought it at RM1090 only. Anyone interested? The phone is still with the him... even the warranty card haven't been stamped or dated. He said he will try to sell it, until then my money is stuck there and I have no new phone for the new year. :-(


Anyone wants to buy a brand new Nokia 6233 at RM1090? It's a pretty good deal, I've checked it out already.

Ahoy! Bad hair days ahead!!

It's been ages since I had my hair trimmed... too lazy as the regular saloon I frequent is all the way in Bukit Bintang. So, I decided to try out this new saloon near my place since they had a promotion going on: APT Professional. They have so many branches around I thought it can't be that bad...

I told the hair-stylist I wanted to trim my hair. I specifically told him not to layer my hair so much as my hair is the frizzy/curly type. It needs some weight to weigh down the frizz. He kept saying that my hair is too thick and heavy, it would look better layered. He proceeded to cut it to his stupid taste!! I stopped him halfway saying it I do not want is layered so much as I noticed him snipping it off so short on certain parts. He said don't worry, my hair will look the same in length, he's just making it lighter.

To my horror, it came out exactly as I was worried about. Frizzy with curves at the end of every layer!!!

Why can't a senior hairstylist obey the customer's instructions? Why do they think they know best? I'm the one who will have to be stuck with this hairstyle day in day out!!! What makes them think they know me better than I know myself???? I have handled this stubborn hair for the past 20++ years of my life. How can they think they know better?

Now it is beyond repair... nothing can make my hair grow back instantly.

Now I will have to tie up my hair for the next 6 months or so before I have enough length to restyle it!! I wanna cry!!! I will have no confidence in the way I look for the next 6 months!! I hate APT!!

Can I sue??? Can anyone suggest any remedy for me?

Spreading me thin

I have just realized that this weekend will be my only weekend off until Christmas!!! Yet, this weekend I am on worship duty at church... I wonder if anyone can replace me for that? I'd like to at least have ONE measely weekend for myself.

- Work has been really crazy;
everything is due this year, and there isn't much of this year left!
travelling like mad, and somehow everything always falls on weekends!
and just a moment ago, I got d message that boss wants me to travel some more!
I do like my work but sometimes I wonder if the sacrifices I make are worth it...
- Then there's the recording album due...
- Church activities a-plenty approaching year end...

There is only one of me to go around.

I haven't seen my bestfriend in about a month!
I haven't gone out with my bf for something as simple as a movie in probably a month too!
I haven't gone to gym as much lately too, and I'm getting fat!
I haven't been to homegroup in ages!

I really need some me time... time for myself. I really can't wait for my long Christmas break. The I can hang a big neon sign over my head:

DO NOT DISTURB!!!

So long, farewell... my November weekends

Sigh! Will be away a lot this month... working through 3 out of 4 weekends too. In fact, flying off again tomorrow morning. :-(

So long, dating!
So long, gym!
So long, shopping!
So long, movies!
So long, muhib-boogie!
So long, homegroup!
So long, home!
So long, blogging???? This one maybe not... at least my trusty laptop follows me everywhere I go!

Chauffeur wanted

I hate driving. I really do!! It is so stressful and frustrating. I got caught in jam for more than an hour just to get from KL to Desa Sri Hartamas.

And tomorrow I have to drive all the way to Penang, not for a holiday but for work. Sigh!! There goes another weekend without replacements. :-(

I hate driving because I stay so far and I have to drive such a long distance everyday, to go to work, to go out for leisure, to church, to civilization and to everywhere.
I hate driving because I have to drive outstation for work.
I hate driving because of the terrible traffic congestion in KL.
I hate driving because Malaysian drivers are @$$****s.
I hate driving because I am not driving my dream car: a big intimidating 4WD.
I hate driving because I am sick of being the tough independent new age chick.
I hate driving because.... I just hate it!

If ever I am rich, the first thing I will do is hire a chauffeur!