Tuesday, November 27, 2012

The Affordability to be Poor

A month ago I started a temporary job at StART. It's a project bound job rather than a time bound one, I only had to come into the office 2hr a day, 2days a week. And I had only committed until the end of December, for a start. The deal is, if I find the "proper" job of my dreams by January, I will continue this fundraising project after-working hours. If I don't find it, I will continue full-time doing this project until March.

The office is a small little room with 2 work-desks, shared by 5 of us. In the compound, is a colourful van named Maggie, a non-working pool - we cannot afford to maintain it :( , a pond and the occasional friendly neighbourhood biawak. I just get paid a small salary... with no employee benefits, allowances or fat bonuses. Freelancer ma.

Hardly the money, the perks or the luxurious private office I get in the corporate world kan?

StART's debut at Urbanscapes
Yet, how has it been so far? Not only have I been hanging out in the office every freaking weekday, and even some of the weekend events because the people are awesome. I am actually looking forward to work days. I finish my work ahead of time most of the time because my inspiration keeps pouring in... overflowing even!! I am so excited to have them read my stories, my scripts and to add their little own witty bits in it.

StART family!! Boss behind d camera :p
I love spending the time with the team, they feel like family. Everyone is so wonderful and caring and super passionate about their work. The positive energy is totally contagious! Everybody has the same purpose that drives them to work, to see these kids' talents flourish. My boss is not just "tolerating" my commitment to performance arts, he is playing the lead role in the very same production and his commitment to rehearsals are even higher than me!!

Dammit! Why can't giant corporate organizations be so bloody awesome? Passionate people, common purpose, selflessness, understanding team-mates, super high trust & honesty...etc etc :( :( :( If ever I becomes like a GM or something, I shall instill this kind of culture. :)

Dammit! First Musical Theatre, now Writing for an ngo. I just love falling for jobs that don't pay don't I?? Well, I survived on a small salary before 10 years ago, why can't I 10 years later? Let's see:
1. 10 years ago, I did not have my own house to pay for. Now, I share this expense with hubby.
2. 10 years ago, I did not have so many stupid insurances to pay for. Now, I am covered for a gazillion different things.
3. 10 years ago, I was driving a cute little Kancil. Now, I am driving a Mazda 3 - Sport.
4. 10 years ago, my lifestyle was a lot simpler. Now, I have gym memberships, facials-packages, travelling plans, etc etc every year.
5. 10 years ago, my parents were still working. Now, they are my dependents.
6. Inflation!!!

I suppose epf can take care of #1, I can get rid of #2 and #3. And due to my sabbatical, I have already gotten rid of #4. And #6 is something totally out of my control and inevitable, ggahh!

But #5, a responsibility for another human being is something that I will never have the heart to be irresponsible with. I know they will freak out if I even downgrade my car to a Kancil... "losing face" is something dead serious for them. So, because of my daughterly irresponsibility, I cannot afford to be poor.

So, this is precisely the reason why I do not want kids... not before, not now, not ever! If I have motherly responsibilities on top of daughterly responsibilities, I cannot afford to be poor. I myself, is more than willing to sacrifice things that money can buy, for my love of things that money cannot buy. But I cannot force the people I am responsible for, to sacrifice the same thing. I may not be able to choose not to be a daughter, but I have the choice, not to be a mother.

So, if anyone asks me why I don't want children... this is my answer... I want to have The Affordability to be Poor. Do you have The Affordibility to be Poor??

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