Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Under the microscope

Do you know how it feels like when you are put under the microscope?

My mini boss is not the one who’s putting my under the microscope… her boss is. I thought head honchos of an organization would look at the big picture and have more important things to think about than the remeh-temeh details of our work.

The reason I left a huge organization to join an itty bitty one is because I like being empowered. I like working independently, that’s why I’m in sales/marketing. In my previous company, we are told exactly what to do, how to do it, when to do it and how often we have to do it. Your job is your job… you can’t go beyond that. There are other people to do that for you. All you need to do is:
“See 8 customers a day, go out at 10am, write reports after reports on each and every teeny weeny detail…etc”
You know what that makes people feel? Belittled, not trusted, inferior and stupid.

I consider myself a very responsible person, very high integrity, very committed and smart. Don’t these people trust my capabilities to get the results required? Then why did they hire me if they don’t? Why not just use robots that will follow their instructions down to the T?

When I got this job, it was great! It was a lot of hard work, because in small organizations, it is one-leg-kick!! Marketing, sales, communications, PR, web-designer, writer, editor… wow! It’s an all-in-one job. Independence and empowerment!! And my mini boss is great! She gives me the perfect balance between guidance/monitoring and independence/empowerment. How perfect is that? It’s so rare to find a job you like plus a boss you like. All was going so well.

Then there comes this new big boss. Of course changes are expected. There have been good changes and bad changes. What’s the change that upsets me so much? It’s the being-put-under-the-microscope thing. Now it’s back to:
“See 8 customers a day, go out at 10am, write reports after reports on each and every teeny weeny detail…etc”
You know what that makes me feel? Belittled, not trusted, inferior and stupid.

So what if the incentives has been increased? Besides sales, is all my other work invisible? All disregarded and left unnoticed, unappreciated? Have I not earned their trust?

What does it feel like? Although there’s no change in designation, there's shrinking responsibilities and am tied on a shorted leash. It feels like a big fat slap-in-the-face demotion!! Already my two colleagues from the neighbouring country doing the exact same job as me, who joined the organization at about the same time as me, were promoted to Assistant Managers. What about me? Not only am I still a small fry anchovy, I’ve been degraded into a microscopic amoeba under the electron microscope.



Even amoebas like me can cry. I’m depressed… I need endorphins! I need lots of it! I need comfort food, I need more gym classes, I need more tlc frm bf!! Sob sob!


Anonymous said...

I hope things get better for you. Take it easy and don't let them break your spirit.


kt said...

thanx girl!! had a nice pedicure session with my friend 2day evening. feeling a bit better... 2moro evening will go work up some more endorphins at d gym! :)